Sounding the Alarm Part 2

It is unfortunate that in our society today, it takes at least two incomes to support a family. That means absentee parents, and children who are left in the care of an older sibling or just to themselves. Often we cannot afford to pay someone to care for our children while they are alone and we are at work.

Then we have single-parent families, which usually means that single parent has almost no time for the children. The children then are left feeling unimportant and unloved. They may seek affection and caring from other sources, which can lead to very severe problems.

I made some typos in part one of this series. Prayer and church attendance are NOT enough to ensure the safety of our children. NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES, WE MUST FIND WAYS TO WATCH OVER AND PROTECT THEM. Here are a few suggestions:

  • Sit down with your child and go over some safety rules about not trusting ANYONE too much. A family member, close friend, neighbor, teacher, anyone has the potential of molesting your child, regardless of gender. We live in a perverted society. It even happens in church groups because no one is perfect, not even Christians. And not everyone who goes to church is a Christian. Some people are just religious. Some people go to church because they are depressed and want to feel better. Some people go to church just because they were raised to do so. There are many other reasons, but you get the picture.
  • Make sure you have a good relationship with your child/children so that they feel they can come to you if someone does mistreat them. Also, know your child well enough to know if they are making it up to get attention, or if they are lying because they are mad at someone and wants to get them in trouble. But ALWAYS be willing to listen. Be willing to check out the accusation, even if you think that person would never do such a thing. We generally trust too easily, too quickly. We never know what’s in another person’s mind. Be sure to emphasize to your child that no matter what threat they have been given to keep them quiet, it is a scare tactic and that it is your job to protect them. Make sure the child understands the importance of NOT BEING AFRAID to tell you about it if does happen, regardless of who the perpetrator is.
  • Give your child/children instructions on what to do if someone does molest or hurt them in any way: a neighbor or friend to contact, how to get in touch with you while you are at work. If someone molests them they need to dial 9-1-1 at the first opportunity and give as much detail as possible to the authorities and have the authorities contact you at work.
  • If your child/children are home alone while you are at work, have them stay inside, play quietly, no loud TV or music, and lock the door, and keep it locked until you return home.
  • Teach them what to do in case of fire.
  • Check out your child’s friends and families. Don’t let them stay with just anyone. It would be better if the child’s friends came to your house so you can check on them, and know what’s going on. When you visit other families, check on your child often. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, with an adult or another child. Most children are molested by someone in the family, or close to the family. Don’t let yourself wear blinders. I know from personal experience that a child who has been molested often carries the emotional scars for the rest of their lives and their lives are filled with bad decisions, resentment, and bitterness that only God can heal.

 

 

My Testimony Part 2

My husband did come back, but he was different, demanding. He wanted to be with me, but he had his own issues, which are his to tell, not mine. We went to live with his parents again and he joined the army. Things were not as they used to be but we were happy–sort of. He was more assertive than he used to be, but he wasn’t mean.

We were at Ft. Devens, Massachusetts for a year where he went to electronics school. We loved it there, made some good friends and had some good neighbors (and some not so good neighbors). We had a good year there. I taught our five-year-old son how to make snowballs and we had our first family snowball fight when his daddy pulled into the driveway one afternoon.

But my temper was still controlling me. We had been Christians for about a year so we still had a lot of growing to do. I was an abusive parent when our son was little. I didn’t mean to be, didn’t want to be, but I didn’t know how to stop. As a baby Christian I still had not learned self-control. One day I was washing dishes (and rinsing in water as hot as I could stand). Our little five-year-old sassed me. I was rinsing a cup at the time. I threw that cup of hot water on his back. It was as if I was standing outside of myself, watching my other self do this horrible act. I immediately dropped the cup, took him in the bathroom, gently dried his back, hugged him, and wept as I told him I was sorry. It was at that point that I asked God, pleaded with Him, to please take my anger, my temper, and replace it with His peace. I did not want to be like my mother. I did not want to have my children terrified of me, or to feel unloved. I can’t even write this without weeping. But God, in His great love and mercy, heard my cry. It took some time, but He did teach me self-control. He did take my temper and replace it with His peace. I am so thankful my son doesn’t remember his early childhood, at least not the bad stuff.  I am thankful for Galatians 5:22, 23 that teaches us how to live by the power of the Holy Spirit, who dwells within every believer. I am thankful that God is in the life-changing business.

Our next duty station was West Germany. We were so excited. I was pregnant with our daughter and would have to fly over with our son after he got over there and found us a place to live. We lived on the economy at first, in an apartment above a German landlady and her family. It was great at first. She had a little girl that was eight named Annette (I don’t know how to spell it in German but it is pronounced Annaday in that language. There was also a fifteen-year-old daughter. The landlady, Anne, said she didn’t speak English; however her children did. One day I was talking to the older girl in my apartment about some problems she was having with her mother’s boyfriend. The windows were open and Anne was outside working in the garden near the house. She must have heard the conversation and understood it, because after that she started calling the base and complaining about us all the time. We were finally able to get an apartment in base housing.

I loved our apartment. I couldn’t believe how big the closets were. The kitchen and dining areas were small but the other rooms were a nice size. We had two bedrooms and a maid’s room, which we converted into a nursery for our baby daughter, who was born over there. I was able to develop friendships with a lot of the other military wives. We attended  couples Bible study once a week, and I had two daytime ladies’ studies, one of which was in my own building. My upstairs neighbor, Jan, had Friendship Bible Coffees weekly and we even saw one of our neighbors receive Christ as Savior.

The scenery was incredible in Germany. I’d go back in a flat minute and stay for six months if I could. The food is some of the best in the world (in my opinion). The people are friendly and their hand-crafted items are true works of precision art. We also really enjoyed the beverage man coming around twice a week to sell us German sodas.

We were there for two years. As the second year began to wind down and it got closer to time for us to return to the U.S., my husband began speaking to me less and less. One day I asked him what was wrong. He said he’d tell me when we got back to America and had our own place. It worried me, but there was nothing I could do but wait. Obviously something was terribly wrong. I was happy; he was not.

Stay tuned for Part 3, which will be posted Monday, April 13.

©copyright April 11, 2015. All rights reserved.

How To Raise A Criminal

First, make sure the child hears you complain about how tied down you feel, how having a child has ruined your life. You can’t go out with friends and have fun anymore.

Second, criticize the child at every opportunity. Verbal abuse is very effective.

Third, let him (or her) have to fend for himself at as early an age as possible. Be sure to punish him if he makes a mess.

Never reward good behavior.

Don’t give him any attention unless it is negative.

Tell him he’s useless and stupid. Do this several times a day.

Make him feel unwanted and unloved.

If you do these things, unless God intervenes in his life, he will grow up angry at the world and become a sociopath–someone without a conscience. You could be his first murder victim.

Not every child who grows up like this turns out to be a criminal, but they will definitely need counseling in order to be able to have any kind of healthy relationship with anyone.

Tell me what you think.