How are in-laws supposed to feel when, as an outside addition to the family, a loved one develops a health condition that has the whole family helping that loved one when he/she is home, and running back and forth to the hospital when that person is not well enough to be home?
My energy is sapped; my ambition to do anything is gone. I have no interest in reading, writing, or much of anything else. I want to do things that allow my mind to be numb: play solitaire, watch TV programs that don’t require much attention. Reruns are good. But I shouldn’t be the one feeling this way. I need to be strong for my husband, and the others who spend much more energy and time than I in taking care of this person. I want to cry but it’s not fair to the immediate family.
It is a source of joy to me that I am allowed and able to contribute to her care when she is home, and am able to take care of her house when she’s in the hospital. I have no regrets except that (guilt, guilt, guilt) my life is on hold because I’m doing for her.
Lord, I hope my tears are not for myself.